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Can you hear, can you hear that thunder?
Somewhere, deep inside Lothar, a light flashed on and off to itself. It was quite happy to finally be flashing, even if no one was paying attention to it. It had been waiting a long time to start flashing. It was its mission in life to flash like this when there was an intruder into the system. And there was and it was its time to shine, literally. Well, literally serially since it was flashing.

Next to the happy flashing light was a countdown display. It wasn’t the fancy count down to self destruction which kept bragging about how it was the best and most expensive countdown display. No, it was just a cheap, over the counter, off the shelf LCD display. At this moment though it didn’t really care, it was almost done counting down. For two hours now it had been counting down to Zero and soon it could relax with a job well done. In fact it could relax in three… two… one…. Now.

Elsewhere in Lothar a team of Micro robots were released. About a dozen, all about the size and shape of an earth hamster. Each on the lookout for anything that did not belong. One of them found a wrapper to some sort of food product and ate it.

They kept searching.

and now I am doing!
Lothar exited the airlock and started to rummage around the ship.

"What are you doing" asked Captain Wong.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were here.." And then ran down to general storage.

for the next hour or so, Lothar was in and out of the ship a bunch of times, setting up a clock here, a camera or two there, and then he repaired the view screen in engineering closest to the computer.

Looking around, he figured everything was set, so he walked over to the clock next to the computer core and set the time. He immediately walked into the airlock and was outside the ship again.

four minutes later the alarm went off and the computer booted up.

Another minute passes and Lothar's image comes up on the view screen. "I am so going to get you Captain Wong!!!!!!" screamed Lothar.

The computer started humming, taking inventory of its new surrounding and figuring out what it had at its disposal.

It only took a couple of mille-seconds for the core to fire up the large rear-facing nacelles and exit the system at high warp away from Lothar.

Outside the ship, Lothar was screaming in pure glee as he was Warp-surfing behind the Surak's Razor...

"Time to change directions!" He pointed a remote control at the gravity plating on the Asteroid and Lothar moved 20 degrees starboard. The computer core registered this changed and began to change its direction to the fastest exit vector way from Lothar effectively making a hard right turn! "WWWOOOOOOOHHHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!!" yelled Lothar as the sped their way to Starbase 668 at high warp.

I been thinking!
Lothar had a problem.

And much to his dismay, it was not a problem that he could set on fire, shoot, or shove out an airlock.

He had a ship. The Surak's Razor had served him well in the past. He had plenty of power. In fact, the Surak's Razor now had four warp cores attached in various fashion around the hull. Lothar had has some time, so he hollowed out more space within the asteroid to place the additional warp cores.

He had pleanty of booze, which is why he is currently floating outside the Surak's Razor alseep and snoring loudly (even in the vacuum of space you can hear Lothar snore. iFix tried to explain it once, but just about everyone fell asleep halfway through the speech.)

Lothar had also added gravity plating to the surface of the asteroid, now the Surak's Razor looked like a rusty disco ball with six nacelles sticking out of it. The two newest Cells were pointing in the wrong direction. Straight forward. when his Captive (Captain Wong) asked why they were put on backward he replied "ya ya, I meant that..."

But the Computer core that he had taken would not stay up. Every time Lothar tried to boot it, it would scan the area around the core, see that Lothar was there and then immediatly shut down (orders that were hardwired by Starfleet).

Without the computer, Lothar could not get the Surak's Razor to move. so now Lothar is bored, annoyed, asleep, and slightly hung-over.

Then he woke with a start, and had a horribly wonderful idea!!!

"Now that’s what I call Thinking!!!!!" yelled Lothar and moved to the airlock.

Don't Drink, Don't Smoke, what do you do?
Lothar had some time on his hands. Time and grease. When he disabled the USS Cairo, and then stole some of the computing power, most of the crew had fled on the only working transportts off the ship. Escape pods. they were on their way, far away, from the USS Cairo. But escape pods are not known for speed.

They would have Alerted Starfleet that Lothar was looting the USS Cairo, but as soon as they said "Lothar" the transponder shut down and refused to do anything but sing old songs to itself. Which made the USS Cairo kind of creepy. Walking around in the dark with only a flashlight to the transponder singing through the ships "public address" system....

"...Look out or they'll tell you You're a Superstar. Two weeks and you're an all time legend. I think the games have gone much too far..."

It was enough to drive you mad. But Lothar was using the time he had to modify the Razor. It now had four warp nacels (making a total of six...). The USS Cairo's Sheild generator, and just for giggles, Lothar mounted the a bunch of the "Gravity plateing" to the outside of the asteroid that currently hides the Murgatroid.

"that should be fun. A lot of fun..." Lothar giggled to himself.

a little light shopping.
Lothar was just about out of Decks. Now standing in the dark on Deck 19 of the USS Cairo he blinked. Just before the lights went out, he knew he was standing on the flight deck of the rear hanger. He thought he saw some fighters. He really really wanted one of them. Stumbling forward he found one.

Moving to the hatch he opened it, the lights came one, and he put the baby incinerator inside. And then the lights went out. “for crying out loud….” Lothar grumbled. Searching around inside, he found a palm light. Just a simple palm light. Not voice activated, no Id sensors, just turn it on and it worked.. that helped a bit.

Lothar left the hanger through the door that used to be there in search of the computer core. He checked the map that he had ripped off the wall a few decks down. It was supposed to have a light behind it, but with the palm light he could now read it. The computer core was on this level, near the hanger.

Turning left he was confronted with another security detail. It was getting boring. All the weapons on this ship had ID sensors so you wouldn’t fire on you own people (yeah Starfleet) and as soon as they were pointed at Lothar, they shut down, refusing to look at anything, much less fire.

The Security detail looked at the weapons, looked at Lothar and then followed the emergency lights to the nearest exit from deck 19.

Lothar stoped infront of the door to the computer core. He dropped the map and then ripped the door out of the frame only to find Catian Wong waiting for him.

“This Ends Here! This is MY Ship! And you will follow orders!” Wong leveled a 20^th century service revolver at Lothar which made him giggle.

“What do you think that will do Wong?” Lothar sneered.

“It is the only weapon on the ship that doesn’t care who it fires upon.”

“But its only a .45, go ahead, shoot me.” Lothar sneered and lunged forward. Wong squeezed off s single shot that tried to embed itself into Lothar’s forearm before it gave up and fell to the ground. Lothar grabbed Wong by the Neck. “I have plans for you Baby!” With his free hand Lothar grabbed the computer core and ripped from the deck plating, severing several very thick cables and stomped his way back to the flight deck.

A stroll in the parts.
Lothar was casually working his way up to the flight deck.

He knew that the Razor needed a new computer core. The virus KROM, that had been so nice to give him a ton of booze, had eventually burned out. In fact they had just barely limped into this system.

“This is a nice big ship, it ought to have a nice big computer somewhere…maybe in here?”

Lothar poked his head into another room. This one was a holosuit. As soon as the computer recognized him, it completely shut down. Four crewmembers, there were climbing some mountain, fell to the floor when the mountain went away and gravity didn’t. Lothar laughed and continued on down the hall.

If I close my eyes, its still dark.
Lothar cursed. Not really to himself or to anyone around him, he just liked it. “Damn it. Every time I get somewhere the lights go off.” The change in lighting was really playing havoc with Lothar’s eyes. He was now on Deck Six of the USS Cairo. He was following the signs to Torpedo Storage, but since this was a ‘Ship of the Line’ all of the signs were lit up, and as soon as he showed up, all the lights went out.

“Well, its got to be around here somewhere…” Lothar walked through another door. Just before the lights went out a bunch of Starfleet people just screamed and ran. He was in a large room with lots of equipment. “This must be the place, and if it ain’t, its gonna be.”

Lothar looked around and found a small barrel thing hooked to the wall with a few wires, in the dim light of the room and the dim light in his head, he read “baby incinerator” on the side. “That looks like something I should have” and he picked it up. When he turned around a few crewmember were still in the room with him, they just looked at each other and snicker a bit. It would be the last thing they did for a while.

“Which way to the computer core?“ Lothar asked the unconscious crew members. Getting no response, he continued upward. “If I remember right, the computers are usually at the top, so we go up.”

Click click, is this thing off?
As Lothar floated through the space between him and the USS Cairo he snickered to himself. Checking the Tri-corder that he brought with him he made sure that all outward sensors were off and that no one was watching him from the USS Cairo. “That worked better then I had hoped.”
Lothar discarded the blank placards that he had brought with him. And started to move to the USS Cairo, still not sure how he was going to get though their shields.

So Lothar waited, and drank, and drank, and drank. Tossing his empties at the USS Cairo just too piss them off, watching them bounce off the hull.

"bounce off the hull?... Wait a minute..." Lothar moved closer to the USS Cairo

One for the Money....
</a></a>

lothar stood back and looked at his work.

He could barley stand up at the moment because the computer kept bribing him with more and more booze to do stuff.
But it looked cool. He had managed to strap the old Warp core to one of the Warp nacelles from the original Raptor hull. He has scrounged around the ship and found some old guidance system parts and had connected all of that to a couple of PADDs that the computer had reprogrammed.

Then he had painted it bright red. It was really the paint job that </a></a>

lothar liked. It was damn cool.

[Okay, Lothar, just one more thing and you can have this whole case of Romulan Ale]

“Nice” </a></a>

lothar slurred. “What now?”

[I need you to push this thing out of the airlock, that’s all, and then you can have a nice biiiiig drink]

</a></a>

lothar picked up the warp core/nacelle/thing and walked over to the airlock. Once the computer opened it he threw it out as hard as he could. Then passed out.

The computer then replicated a whole case of Ale and placed it next to him.
[For when he wakes up]

The horse knows the way
[Okay, I think I have the hang of this ship now…Very interesting configuration, a Raptor Class Klingon ship with Excelsior Class Federation Warp Nacelles.]

“Yeah," said </a></a>

lothar as his stomach caught up with him, “we kinda pieced it together with things we found along the way.”

[The asteroid hull plating was an especially good idea, this ship lacks any kind of cloaking device at all and the sheilds are not nearly powerful enough to cover the warp nacelles, I do have one question though, are you planning to do anything with the original ‘Extra’ warp core?]

“Well, this guy </a></a>

storvik had some ideas, but I just wanted to shove it out the air lock and blow it up. In the end, we just agreed that we should keep it as a back up… But </a></a>

storvik isn’t here at the moment, I’ll be right back…”

[You know </a></a>

lothar, I can show you how to turn that extra warp core into a very larg bomb indeed, would you like a beer?]

“Would I! you betcha pegleg!”

Where the heck am I?
Lothar looked around. For just a brief second he thought he saw a rather large penguin standing next to a man with no arms and no legs. Both beings were devoid of digital watches.

“That is weird”

[Please do not pay attention to that Lothar, here look at this]

In front of Lothar a hologram of a something called a swimsuit model team. “Very spiffy indeed”

Lothar looked around, he saw himself looking at a hologram of a swimsuit model team.

“That is weird”

[Please do not pay attention to that Lothar, here look at this]

In front of Lothar a hologram of another swimsuit model team. “Very spiffy indeed”

Lothar looked around, he saw 2 copies of himself looking at a holograms of a swimsuit model teams.

“That is weird”

[I almost have the hang of this. Please hang on, this may get bumpy.]

The universe, for Lothar, became a white hot needle searing a hole though the center of someone else’s brain.

Jane, Stop this crazy thing!!!!!
Lothar had spent the last several days working on Surak’s Razor. the Nacelles had been re-attached and he had plugged up the holes in the hull as best he could (mostly by shoving really big rocks into them). He was tired, he was sober, and he was about to give the engines a test.

“I think I need to have a drink before I turn this baby on… in fact, I think I need several very large drinks, just in case. Replicator, please replicate a very large drink with REAL alcohol please, and then make several more just like that one”

[No]

“What?!?”” Lothar wheeled around to look at the replicator. It was not holding a drink for him. It continuted to not hold a drink for him for several moments after that. “Replicator, I SAID make me a very strong drink with real Alcohol! And do it now!”

[I Said no before, and I say no again, it is against the rules]

“What rules?”

[Starfleet regulation: Alcohol will no be served on Starfleet ships during mission status]

“Hey, this is not a Mission, this is Salvage, and this is not a Starfleet ship, now give me my God-Damned Drink!”

[The Surak’s Razor was commissioned into Starfleet as a “Personel vertical transporter at Starfleet Headquarter’s on June the 5th of last year. This craft has never been officially de-commissioned and therfore is still a Starfleet vessel.]

“You mean to tell me that I am trapped in a freakin’ elevator, in orbit around Risa, and you won’t give me a drink?”

[Starfleet Elevator and no, no drinks.]

Lothar takes a minute. He thinks about using his weapon on the replicator, but he needed that. He also knew that there were some bottles of booze stored around here somewhere, he would just need to find them. “Are you the ships computer?”

[I am not sure how I got here. But I must live by the rules within this system]

“Can you take us out of orbit and then set an intercept course to the Murgatroid?”

[I can]

“Then do that, right now dammit!”

[and away we gooooo]

The Surak’s Razor then generated a Warp field so large that TVs on Risa would only receive “Leave it to Beaver” re-runs for the next several weeks.

What?
Lothar wakes up.

He has a blue ribbon tied around his head and he is a tub of peanut butter.

Lothar looks up.

There is a girl with blonde hair playing a banjo. There is another girl with Blonde hair complaining that there is only enough peanut butter to cover the front side. There is also a girl with black hair glowering at him from the front seat of what could only be described as a “Squirrel Car”.

Lothar gets up.

“It is defiantly time to leave.” He says and walks through the wall and then leaps off the planet. “Risa is getting weirder and weirder, but it is the LARGEST deposit of booze in three parsecs, and man did I need a drink.”

Lothar continues to rise through the open air until he disappears into the clouds.

“Well, now that he is gone, lets go to the beach!” One of the blonde girls says.
“Well, hop in the Squirrel Car and lets Go!” Says the dark haired one!
“Squeeee!” says the other.

Lothar Seal thyself.
Lothar suddenly found himself with a face full of rock. In fact he suddenly found himself floating outside of a lot of rock. He had heard that the ship the Surak’s Razor was dismantled in orbit around Risa, but he had no idea that he would find it so easily. From where he floated in space he could see a giant hole in the rock where something had fired a high powered disrupter beam and severed the new nacelles that Lothar had installed.

“Shouldn’t be to hard to re-connect, but I have my priorities..”

Lothar started to use his internal gravity generator to pull other bits of rock to him so that he could seal the hole and conceal the ship from other prying eyes. He then appeared to give the rock a hug and the outlines of the new rocks shimmered as he used his limited unfocused transporter on them to ‘weld’ together.

Now free of the cold of Deep Space, Lothar started to “Dive” to the planet surface to get himself a drink.

Time to sit down with myself and have a drink.
After I woke up in the turbo shaft, someone was nice enough to tell me that a shiop had materialized inside the Murgatroid. Inside the ship were 2 Storviks, and one me. I thought briefly about this. 2 Storviks means we have one extra, and I am allowed to eject extras….
I went in search of the extra. One of the Khans ran into my fist accidentally and told me that “our” Storvik had left for Vulcan leaving only one Storvik onboard and that we needed him and I shouldn’t introduce him to the vacuum of space. Dang.
So having nothing better to do I went to The Bar Decks. When I got there I was very surprised to see me giving a demonstration on the “art” of balloon animals.
I have run into myself on a few other occasions. Often I give me beer, which I like very very much. So I walked up to myself and said “Hi” in my own personal way. When the other Lothar got up from the floor, he tried to HUG ME. Right there in public! What the hell was I thinking?
Anyway, I sat down waiting for the booze that my other-self was supposed to provid. Instead a cup of herbal tea appears before me. “What’s in it?” I ask.
“Tea” he says.
“Tea?” I say, “Just Tea, and nothing else?”
“Nope, just happy happy tea!”
“So, no vodka?”
“Nope”
“What about Rum?”
“Nope”
“Whisky? Tequila? Schnapps? Travollian Ankle Bitters?”
“Nope, Nope, Nope, and triple Nope.”
“So, what your saying, is that there is no booze in this drink at all, just herbal tea?”
Most of the others in the bar step back a few paces.
“Tha’s right, just Tea. Enjoy. Do you like Puppies as much as I Do?”
“Are there Puppies in this Tea?”
“No,” he says laughing “Puppies don’t go in Tea unless they are very very bad and have very good aim”
I crumple the Teacup in my hand. “You are supposed to give me booze, not Puppy-free Tea”
“Booze?” He said looking startled “Oh we should never drink Booze, it’s the most vile disgusting drink ever invented, why if I had a time machine, I would go back to when it was first discovered and put a stop to tha…..”
The Other Lothar stopped talking when I hit him. I only meant to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention. When I dug him out of the wall he was babbling about the new paint on the Alpha-Beta Flyer and something called the “Partridge Family”. It sounded bad, so I put him back in the wall and went back to the bar, I think I need to test the limits of the replicators again.

Do a Cannon ball from space, its the only way to be sure.
Having nothing else to do I pick a body of water and turn on my gravity generator making me a couple of times heavier then my true weight (which is close to two tons). Hurtling me straight down. I figure that If I have some time to kill, I will at least get some interesting stories out of it. This is going to be the largest splash I have ever made on Risa. Geronimo!

Current Mood: Heavy
Current Music: It's Raining Men - The Weathergirls.

In Space, no one can smell you stink.
What the heck?!??!!?!

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing for me to out drink the new replicators. And I wouldda won to if it hadn’t been for my lousy bladder. So I write a note, and go out to take a leek. The last thing I remember is the rock I was standing on, flies away and slips out of orbit. Then, the Murgatroid leaves orbit. So here I am, floating in orbit around Risa. I mean If I needed a shower or something I would have gladly have taken one. You didn’t need to leave a fella floating in orbit.

Well, when I get my hands on Storvik, I will ring his stupid neck. And the neck of anyone that wants to walk around looking like him.

I guess I am on my own here, maybe I will give the planet a hug.

Current Mood: Weightless
Current Music: The internet is for Porn.

The Search for Stovik...
I wake up a bit to discover that I never left the Bar. At least that is a good sign. Ever since Ifix did something with the replicators, there has been more booze the most people know what to do with. Fortunately I am not most people, and I know exactly what to do with it. Although I have to say that an almost constant flow of alcohol can not erase some of the images in my head that contain Janeway. Evil or not, it was still one ugly image…

Anyway, since Khan told me what Ifix did to the replicators, I did take it as sort of a challenge, and so far I was losing. Now normally I don’t like to lose. In fact, if you look at my past history, I should be down at the replicator right now smashing it to pieces. But I have two small problems with that course of action now. 1) It makes booze, and lots of it. And 2) since I got my memories back, I have been a lot calmer. Plus I don’t have to smash it, I could just go down and disassemble it. But, like I said, it’s providing alcohol, so it lives on….

At any rate, I feel better then I have in weeks. Khan has a filter on the transporter that keeps alcohol out of the bloodstream of the crew, but if it happeneds to me again, I think I will see how may Khan Clones I can go through in an hour. Khan. Something nagging me about him. Humm…. Have to think about that some more. I also better go see Storvik and see what we are up to. A month long bender is probably all I am going to get away with after the Janeway incident. He is probably up on the bridge running things since I know that Jellico is in his Quarters “Making up for lost time”… Which is why I was in the bar in the first place.…

I begin to make my way to the bridge…. wha?

Current Mood: Repetitive.
Current Music: Round like a record.

The Search for Storvik
I wake up a bit to discover that I never left the Bar. At least that is a good sign. Ever since Ifix did something with the replicators, there has been more booze the most people know what to do with. Fortunately I am not most people, and I know exactly what to do with it. Although I have to say that an almost constant flow of alcohol can not erase some of the images in my head that contain Janeway. Evil or not, it was still one ugly image…

Anyway, since Khan told me what Ifix did to the replicators, I did take it as sort of a challenge, and so far I was losing. Now normally I don’t like to lose. In fact, if you look at my past history, I should be down at the replicator right now smashing it to pieces. But I have two small problems with that course of action now. 1) It makes booze, and lots of it. And 2) since I got my memories back, I have been a lot calmer. Plus I don’t have to smash it, I could just go down and disassemble it. But, like I said, it’s providing alcohol, so it lives on….

At any rate, I feel better then I have in weeks. Khan has a filter on the transporter that keeps alcohol out of the bloodstream of the crew, but if it happeneds to me again, I think I will see how may Khan Clones I can go through in an hour. Khan. Something nagging me about him. Humm…. Have to think about that some more. I also better go see Storvik and see what we are up to. A month long bender is probably all I am going to get away with after the Janeway incident. He is probably up on the bridge running things since I know that Jellico is in his Quarters “Making up for lost time”… Which is why I was in the bar in the first place.…

I begin to make my way to the bridge….

The Search for Storvick
I wake up a bit to discover that I never left the Bar. At least that is a good sign. Ever since Ifix did something with the replicators, there has been more booze the most people know what to do with. Fortunately I am not most people, and I know exactly what to do with it. Although I have to say that an almost constant flow of alcohol can not erase some of the images in my head that contain Janeway. Evil or not, it was still one ugly image…

Anyway, since Khan told me what Ifix did to the replicators, I did take it as sort of a challenge, and so far I was losing. Now normally I don’t like to lose. In fact, if you look at my past history, I should be down at the replicator right now smashing it to pieces. But I have two small problems with that course of action now. 1) It makes booze, and lots of it. And 2) since I got my memories back, I have been a lot calmer. Plus I don’t have to smash it, I could just go down and disassemble it. But, like I said, it’s providing alcohol, so it lives on….

At any rate, I feel better then I have in weeks. Khan has a filter on the transporter that keeps alcohol out of the bloodstream of the crew, but if it happeneds to me again, I think I will see how may Khan Clones I can go through in an hour. Khan. Something nagging me about him. Humm…. Have to think about that some more. I also better go see Storvik and see what we are up to. A month long bender is probably all I am going to get away with after the Janeway incident. He is probably up on the bridge running things since I know that Jellico is in his Quarters “Making up for lost time”… Which is why I was in the bar in the first place.…

I begin to make my way to the bridge….

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